


All We Do Is Drive

by purgatoan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bottom Sam, Explicit Sexual Content, Happy Ending, M/M, Smut, Top Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 20:13:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10316093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purgatoan/pseuds/purgatoan
Summary: Sam couldn’t be happier now. He never thought that it would end this way, with Dean by his side.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This one was a bliss to write, no joke! I’m excited to show this one to you guys, ‘cause I really like the way it turned out! Let me know if you love it as much as I do ;)
> 
> Unbeta'd, so all the mistakes are mine!
> 
> Based on Drive by Halsey, lyrics are in italics!

Sam never thought it would end this way.    
  
He was supposed to have a completely different life. School, law career, family. The white picket fence and all of that. He wanted it or, at least, he thought he did. He should’ve wanted it. What kind of a person wouldn’t dream of that?   
_  
_ _ My hands wrapped around your stick shift _

_ Swerving on the 45, I can never keep my eyes off this _   
  
But instead, he’s sitting in the Impala, the engine roaring wild as they drive for another case. The sky’s scattered with stars; so vibrant and bright in the darkness. The landscape keeps changing, but they don’t. They stay together, as always, no matter what life throws at them. And he can’t be happier, because that’s where he belongs, here with Dean.   
  
_ My neck, the feeling of your soft lips _ __  
_ Illuminated in the light, bouncing off the exit signs I missed _   
  
But, at the beginning, it wasn’t that easy. They had their disagreements, they fought, they yelled at each other. There were many reasons, there was always some kind of a reason, and they couldn’t get past the differences.   
  
_ All we do is drive _   
  
But it wasn’t always like that.    
  
Before Stanford, way before Sam left, it was all so much simpler. Neither of them thought of the future, they only kept living, without hoping for the next day to happen. They didn’t care about any consequences, they only thing they cared about was to always be together. And it wasn’t difficult at all.   
  
_ All we do is think about the feelings that we hide _   
  
Until, one day, Sam realized how he really felt and the decision he made based on those feelings was one of the worst in his life. He knew he should’ve thought it through first, but he didn’t, and he would never be able to take that back. He hurt Dean, even if he meant the exact opposite of it.   
  
_ All we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign _   
  
Going to Stanford was his way of trying to get away from the feelings that messed up with him on a daily basis, making it difficult for Sam to function normally. Surprisingly, getting away from hunting wasn’t the biggest reason at all. But what could he do if he knew that there was no way Dean felt anything more than brotherly love for him?   
__  
_ Sick and full of pride _   
  
He couldn’t stay, but, after some time in Stanford, it turned out that he couldn’t keep going without Dean either. It ached, like someone ripped out a piece of his heart that night he hitched the ride to Palo Alto. He wanted to leave everything behind, but the love for Dean was still there, taking up most of the the space in his heart and making it impossible for Sam to keep on living normally. He suspected Jess might’ve known and it was another reason on why he felt terrible about lying to her.    
  
_ All we do is drive _   
  
Even though he loved her, he still longed for someone else. He kept lying to himself that it was just a phase, that his feelings weren’t real, but he knew it was all bullshit. She wasn’t and never would be the person that held his heart captive.   
  
_ And California never felt like home to me _ __  
__  
Oh, how he wished to go back in time and change the past. She didn’t have to die. She could’ve been alive if he hadn’t waltzed into her life, it was all his fault. He should’ve stayed with Dean and John, put himself together, and try to get past what he was feeling. Instead, he ruined Jess’ live, his life and his brother’s life as well.   
  
_ And California never felt like home _   
  
He should’ve been happy that he was free of being tied to someone who would never be his first choice. Dean held that place throughout all those years, never Jess, but all Sam felt was emptiness. He didn’t know how he would be able to survive without admitting what he felt. And, even if he needed Dean so badly, he couldn’t have him. Especially not when they were about to find John; their father would kill them both if he found out.   
  
_ And California never felt like home to me _   
  
It was always Dean who would bottle his feelings up and don’t talk about them, but Sam learned to do that too. It was difficult to keep that as a secret, but he would do his best to try. Sam didn’t have a choice. It was either that or running away again and he was tired of running, he didn’t want to run anymore.   
  
_ Until I had you on the open road and I was singing _   
  
Except that he didn’t have to.   
  
__ Your laugh, echoes down the hallway

_ Carves into my hollow chest, spreads over the emptiness _

“Sammy, I know it’s not the best time, but why did you leave?” They were moving down the highway, faster and faster, and it seemed like an innocent question, the type that you could answer and move on. But that wasn’t the case. At least not for Sam.   
  
“You know why.” Sam brushed it off, looking at the empty fields illuminated by the moon, countless places they wouldn’t even remember they passed in a few days.

“If I knew, I wouldn’t be asking,” Dean retorted, his fingers strumming on the steering wheel to the rhythm of the song playing on the radio. “So, why did you leave?”   


_ It's bliss _   


Sam couldn’t help but sigh, trying to come up with a way to get out of this conversation, but nothing came to his mind. He could only say it didn’t matter anymore, or repeat old lies, but he wasn’t sure he could convince himself that what he was saying was true, let alone Dean.   
  
“Do you really need to know? It doesn’t matter anymore anyway,” Sam leaned back in his seat, running his hand through his hair.   
  
Dean didn’t answer to that one, just kept driving. At first, Sam thought that he got this conversation over with, but when Dean drove off the highway and stopped on an empty parking lot it was obvious that wasn’t truth.   
  
_ It's so simple but we can't stay _

“I need to know if it’s my fault.” Dean insisted, turning a bit to look Sam in the eyes, “Is it because of me?”

To say that Sam was shocked would be an understatement. “What?” After a moment, he added, “No, it’s all my fault.”

“How? You didn’t do anything wrong, what’s going on?” Dean let out, his expression terrified. “Is it still about Jess? It’s not your…”

Sam interrupted him mid-sentence, “Yeah, keep telling yourself that it’s not my fault! If I wasn’t such a fucked up kid, in love with my own brother, I wouldn’t have to leave.” Only then Sam realized what he had said.   
_  
_ _ Over analyze again, would it really kill you if we kissed _

He didn’t expect Dean to laugh and shake his head, “You’re not fucked up, Sammy. I got that title first.”

And before Sam had a chance to say anything, Dean leaned forward and pulled him in for a kiss, a kiss that said everything they were too scared to say before. 

I love you. I can’t life without you. You’re my everything. I need you.

Sam never thought it would feel so peaceful and easy, that it would seem like the most natural thing in the world. But that’s how it turned out to be, two boys starved for the other one’s affection finally understanding that their feeling weren’t wrong.

How could love such strong and pure be wrong in any way?   
  
_ All we do is drive _

Their instincts acted before their minds could and they were scrambling to the backseat together, getting rid of clothes in frenzy, as fast as possible. Hot breaths and chapped lips, cold fingers and scarred skin. None of them could tell where the other one began, bodies entwined to the point where they were one.   
  
_ All we do is think about the feelings that we hide _

There was no secrets anymore, no hiding or lies, just the two of them and nothing else. What a relief it was to finally know they were in this together. They were meant to be, dancing around each other for years, like planets circling the sun, and they finally crashed into one, assuming a mutual route. __  
_  
_ __ All we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign

It was the easiest thing in the world. There was nothing awkward for Dean about spreading Sam’s legs as wide as the confined space allowed and leaning forward to taste what’s been waiting for him for so long. There was nothing strange about the fact that it felt so good to have Dean slide his tongue inside Sam’s hole, making Sam squirm and clench around him. 

_ Sick and full of pride _

It was all how it was supposed to be as Dean lined himself up and drove deep inside Sam, his fingers digging into his brother’s thighs. And it couldn’t be more right as they started moving together, slowly and without any rush, caught up in the moment and each other to the point where the world stopped existing at all. 

_ All we do is drive _

Dean could see all the galaxies in Sam’s eyes as their gazes were locked, neither of them thinking about looking away as they both reached the edge. And Sam could feel the stars in all the freckles scattered around Dean’s skin that he couldn’t help but touch with his calloused fingers, not able to get enough.   
  
_ And California never felt like home to me _

And there was nothing brighter than their smiles, not even the sun, as they came down from their highs, too happy and blissful to care about the fact they would be sore the next day. They stayed as they were, tangled together, literally and metaphorically, not a single thought about the outside world crossing their minds. 

_ And California never felt like home _

How they could be so blind? How could they keep rejecting happiness that was right in front of them and begging to be taken? How could they wait and waste so much time on being afraid to admit the simplest, but the most important truth about their lives?

_ And California never felt like home to me _

They never got the answers to those questions, nor did they care about thinking to answer them. And why would they?  

_ Until I had you on the open road and I was singing _

Because, they thought they would lose it all, but they gained everything, the entire universe.


End file.
